we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
