Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
