Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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