I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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