Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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