I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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