A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
