we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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