The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
