Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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