It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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