If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
