my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why didn't you poke me back
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
