very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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