your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
