I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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