I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
