Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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