I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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