Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
