Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
