I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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