those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
