If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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