I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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