remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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