What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
