When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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