I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
