Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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