come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
