The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
