I didn't shave. On purpose
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
