I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
