So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
