you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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