my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
