please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
