Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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