I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
