i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
