After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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