I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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