he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
