drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
