idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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