WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
