Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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