I cut my penus on the lid.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
