my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
