I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
