You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
